The Alien Invasion of America

by
Jacob G. Hornberger
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The aliens are coming! The aliens are coming! 

No, I’m not talking about illegal aliens — that is, those immigrants who are trying to enter the United States without official permission. I’m talking about real aliens — the scary types from outer space. You know, the ones that look like ET.

What other reasonable explanation could there be for those unidentified flying objects that the U.S. military has been shooting out of the skies over the northern United States? 

The Chinese? Nah, they’ve already lost one balloon to the U.S. military. They wouldn’t be dumb enough to send more balloons, at least not so soon. 

The Russians? Nah, they’re still too bogged down trying to conquer a portion of Ukraine. They don’t have the time or the resources to send any balloons our way.

The North Koreans? Nah, they don’t even have the money to buy a balloon.

The Cubans? Well, that’s a possibility. Remember: According to the Pentagon and the CIA, Cuba is still a Red dagger pointed at America’s neck. That’s why the Pentagon still maintains and strictly enforces its brutal Cold War-era economic embargo against the Cuban people. 

But why would the Cuban communists care about attacking the United States? If they haven’t stuck their Red dagger into our neck for more than 60 years, why do it now? Of course, it’s true that they certainly might be spying on the U.S. to see if the Pentagon and the CIA have any more invasions or state-sponsored assassinations planned for Cuba. But why do it by sending a spy machine over Lake Huron instead of Miami? 

Having considered all this, I think it’s got to be the aliens who are invading our country — the ones from Mars, Jupiter, or even further away. They are finally coming to get us. And what better place to attack than from the north, where Americans are least expecting it?

In fact, don’t take my word for it. Consider what Air Force General Glen VanHerck, who is in charge of protecting America’s northern skies, said. When asked if the flying objects that they just shot down could be extraterrestrial, he responded, “I haven’t ruled out anything at this point.”

So, just think: We now have a new official enemy (or adversary, opponent, rival, competitor — whatever label you want to put on it), one that is joining China, Russia, Syria, North Korea, Cuba, Nicaragua, Venezuela, communism, terrorism, Islam, drug dealers, and, yes, illegal aliens or, excuse me, undocumented immigrants. (Sorry, I’m not sure if Vietnam, which is still Red, is still considered to be an official enemy or not.)

In any event, given this new official enemy, be expecting Congress and President Biden to increase the Pentagon’s budget to $1 trillion per year. 

And don’t be surprised when the CIA’s budget goes up to, well, we are not permitted to know what the CIA’s budget is. But it’s safe bet that it’s going up too, big time.

And don’t be surprised when the NSA’s budget soars as well. After all, as we have learned, the way to protect us from an external threat is for the NSA to spy on the American people. Hey, you never know when someone has become a pod person, like in The Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Sorry, I have to go. I see a strange object in the trees in the back of my house. I’m going to see if I can make my own separate peace with the alien invaders. Is that against the law?